When I was growing up, my mom & dad put a special emphasis on teaching us on being kind & nice , not harming anyone with actions or words, helping others . This rule has served me pretty well. In my short life experience I have found that being kind and being helpful to others- is one of the most satisfying thing in life.
This kindness over everything & not hurting anyone rule worked, until it didn’t .
I found, In a lot of cases- I was trying to be kind, but the other person ruthlessly attacked me- again and again.
I have found, many times- I was denied of my rights , because the other person thought my politeness as my weakness.
I faced difficulty setting boundaries . I had grown a nasty habit of trying to avoid conflict. I generally tried to avoid conversations, that might trigger negative response in others.
Oh boy, I was naïve.
It was a recipe for a very unfulfilling life .
It was costing me- my mental peace, career opportunities , satisfaction in relationships.
So, in very recent years- I have understood that, I can not always be nice to people.
I now try to tell the harsh truth head-on, when it is necessary. I genuinely believe, when you have something meaningful to say, a silence is a lie, it is a suppression of your soul.
I try to have the difficult conversation in work or in relationship- early on, to make my life easy later one.
I have learnt to say ‘No’.
I have learnt to set boundaries and when anyone tries to disrespect the boundaries multiple times- I have learnt to walk away.
I think, it is important to be “dangerous”, along with being kind.
As legendary Peter Thiel says: ”Courage is in far shorter supply than intelligence or kindness”
I wholeheartedly agree with this, without the courage to speak the truth- it is impossible to nurture any other virtues.
I have this rule of thumb that I made up in my head for myself, 70% kind, 30% dangerous.
That is being kind, empathic, helpful by default(70%).
But, being dangerous- having the courage to speak the unpleasant truth, having the tough conversations, setting strict boundaries- in the rest 30% of the time.
I would like to teach my child this lesson when she grows up, be kind to all , yet be a little dangerous.