I spent a decade mastering the art of speaking, only to discover the true power lies in silence.
I was a shy and awkward kid in my school.
Then In college, I saw college students of my age- debating charismatically in English.
I thought, I wish I could speak confidently like that . I used to admire charismatic individuals who knows how to speak well and I always wanted to emulate them and wanted to be one of them.
Then I spent almost a decade of my life , trying to improve my speaking skills, my storytelling rhetoric and stage charisma. I fell in love with doing competitive debating and stage magic shows.
In my early twenties, I did hundreds of competitive debate tournaments , stage magic shows. Globe trotted around the world ,to do debates and stage magic- collected accolades, made friends and had the time of my life.
But, now that I have made somewhat progress on this, I feel the real deal is not in speaking, it is in shutting my mouth- and then listening and observing. Let me give 2 reasons, for why do i think so.

1

Like the proverb says , to man with a hammer- everything seems like a nail . Similarly, being in the habit of talking so much- I felt entitled to give my opinion on anything and everything. Every conversation felt like an opportunity to speak (A Lot). As the years passed away, I understood what a grave mistake that was.
I observed that the conversations I enjoyed the most, tended to be the ones when the other person talked less and listened to me more. I felt listened, I felt validated .
And it took a lifetime for me to understand, that the other person felt the same too.
Every person feels cared & validated when the other person listens with great care. But , when I am speaking and others are listening- only I feel validated, not anyone else.
But, our communication is not a one way street. All these years I was prioritizing my need to get heard, above all others.
When you respect the other persons desire to be heard. You make them feel that you care for their ideas, aspirations & dreams .
You make them feel very important. The other person starts to enjoy the conversation and they open up to you. This opening up creates a deeper connection between two people.
And this trust leads to healthy relationship, strong leadership.
My friend Sirat and my wife zahin- they might not be the most charismatic speakers- but, their friend’s pour their heart when they talk to them. They are very wise and naturally very good leader.
It is because both of them are top notch listeners. They listen with a deep intent to understand, not with an intent to reply.
With time, I want to be more like that.

2

When I was younger, I thought speaking would make me more intelligent. But, over years I understood – how wrong that was. Speaking, only puts out what I already know. Speaking is only a glorified regurgitating , repeating myself . But, I do not gain any new perspective or insight from speaking. It is only by listening and sometimes being in complete silence that I gain fresh new perspective. As even the thinnest of paper has 2 sides, truth almost always has many sides and shapes to it. If I listen to others perspective more, I have a better chances of understanding the truth.
I noticed, really intelligent people that I admire- listens way more than speaking. They are never in a rush to prove themselves.
So, slowly I practiced to let of the ego of trying to speak every time .
It has been 5 years since I have been trying to prioritize listening, over speaking.
Unlearning old habits are pretty hard, I must say.
But, I think this has made me more grounded, fulfilled and wise.